A personal blog, mainly text posts, sometimes photos. This is a fandom and personal blog thrown together so beware! Sometimes NSFW

ahh it so nice and quiet in the house with jason gone

just my dad watching tv in the living room, the sound of me typing away on my laptop and the crickets chirping outside with cars going by

smells like rain too i think, though that could just be my candle

well since i would like to sleep tonight im gonna stop watching x-files

i think i found my next marathoning series. its dark like fringe and scientific and paranormal but not as triggering. i completely gave up trying to watch american horror story after three episodes it was so bad

but yea. new series i can flip on while working on costumes! cuz ive gotta fix up my 3dm geat for a shot hopefully this weekend, pull out a costume for a fifties themed party the same day, and maybe the Ren Faire again I guess people were thinking the same day @.@ though i dont think faire is gonna happen since all those people are gonna be at the party and they wouldn’t miss their own mother’s birthday party!

ive got another busy weekend ahead of me jeez. but at least ive got my pack of red bull still!

Reblogged from splitbricks  164,661 notes

The second time I overdosed,
my body couldn’t handle it,
and I threw it all up.
I texted my dad saying,
“I think I took a little too many pills”.

And every time I’ve overdosed,
I always downplay it.
I’ve always tried to act
like it wasn’t a big deal.

That having the urge to swallow a whole bottle of pills
was something daily that normal people do.
My dad hurried home and saw the empty bottle
and he shook me to make sure I was awake.
I kept mumbling “I threw it up.. I threw it up..”
while I was drifting off to sleep.
He had to wake me up every 15 minutes
to make sure I was okay.

Let me tell you now,
it is a big deal.

The third time I overdosed,
I slept through first and second period
and passed out in the counselor’s office.
I didn’t want to go to the ER.
I just wanted to go home.
All I wanted to do was sleep.
Again, I just said,
“I think I took too many pills this morning.”

The fifth time I overdosed,
my dad found the empty pill box.
I hallucinated, I had a fever.
I couldn’t move my legs.
All I could do was scream,
“Don’t take me to the hospital this time.
I don’t want to go!”

I became friends with a girl who had overdosed
she’s one of my best friends now
and when I heard she was hospitalized as well,
it just makes me realize how real this problem is.

A couple months ago, another friend of mine overdosed.
Do you realize how fucked up it is,
that I’ve done it so many times
that I know the exact procedure that she’s going to go through?
She messaged me saying,
“I took a bunch of pills,
but I just realized I didn’t want to die.
I don’t know what to do.

And I’m screaming at her over the screen
that she should throw it up and call 911
because sometimes when someone you love
decides that they hate the world,
that’s all you can do.
You can’t teleport through the phone.
You can’t travel through the internet.
You can’t be there to hold them
and take them to the hospital.

Your love is not charcoal that can
absorb all their poison in their life.
I know, love that you would have done all you could.
Sometimes words aren’t enough.
Sometimes love isn’t enough.
Sometimes a person needs to try dying
to know that that’s not really what they want.
There’s nothing you could have done.
You’ve done all you could.
Just keep loving them.

But you see the thing is,
I got lucky.
I’ve made it back from 5 overdoses
without a scratch on me.
But that’s not always the case.
My favorite teacher’s stepdaughter
locked herself in her room and overdosed.

To this day,
her stepmother still has a scar on her heart.
To this day,
on the anniversary of her death,
her stepmother still stays home from school
on the anniversary of her death.
Her sister is in a bad mental state,
and so is her biological mother.
Her family has fallen apart.

You overdose because you think
you will get a peaceful release from death.
It’s not peaceful.
It is not like falling asleep.
It is convulsions, vomiting,
muscle spasms, fevers,
and sharp stomach pains.

An overdose is not instant.

Hollywood has you believing,
that an overdose
is how a lady should exit the world.
As quiet as she came in,
Peaceful and unnoticed.

You will go out kicking and screaming
and wishing you hadn’t taken them.


6:03 p.m. (I think I’m done overdosing)

Dedicated to Rae

- via expresswithsilence

(via perfect)




Maybe in an alternate universe all the rational best friend characters could be best friends with each other.

#marco bert and armin shall be called sml #for small medium and large
That’s soo cute. I really wanted to draw that.

This gets like, a gazillion times more adorable when you remember that they’re the only characters that use fucking BOKU as their personal pronoun.

*sigh* I’m chauffeur to a fucking idiot brat tonight joy. Sure I’m doing it for my dad since he has really bad vertigo right now and can’t even walk around the house, but this kid needs to man the fuck up and actually learn how to say thank you and be trustworthy enough to ride his bike places. He can’t even ride his bike to McDonalds two blocks away

And of course he demands me to take him to his friend’s house tonight like really? I actually have stuff to do like cleaning my room and attempting to sew, though honestly he doesn’t know the meaning of clean unless its beat into him and mom is standing over him, literally, yelling at him to pick stuff up and keep cleaning

I think the only reason I would wanna go outside right now is to get sun on my face so I can get more freckles

That’s it. That’s the only reason I wanna be tanning, just to get freckles lol

so i treid to get into my snk harness again cuz i gave up halfway last time and i pretty much figured it out i think! there are a bunch of long loose ends that i dont know what the fuck to do with, so i definately need help getting it on and readjusting but augh people live so far away and the ones who do live close…lets just say they have the attention span of a squirrel and would give up after five minutes

so i emailed the place i got it from and im gonna see if they can send me a version that is translated perhaps. it came with instructions for which im super happy, but i cant understand those instructions…and i dont know anybody who can translate for me…